‘Authentic connections’: As more singles shun dating apps, some seek partners at ‘real life’ meet-up events, communities

SINGAPORE — A crowd of young people gathered at a roadside bar on a Tuesday night. They cheered and whooped as, one by one, strangers gave PowerPoint presentations on why their best friends were partner-worthy, encouraging audience members to perhaps ask these singles out for a date. 
“She is very loyal,” Ms Dinie Aryal said. The public relations executive’s best friend Alicia Tan stood on stage while fiddling with her hair and looking embarrassed, but likely pleased at Ms Dinie’s praise.
The two 28-year-olds were taking part in a singles mixer party called “Meet Me in the Middle”. After watching Ms Tan flounder in her attempts at finding love through dating applications over the years, Ms Dinie decided to attend the event with Ms Tan.
More singles in Singapore are searching for ways to mingle by attending unique in-person events and interest groups. 
TODAY has reported that a small but growing number of singles have decided to stop looking for romance because they are dissatisfied with what some call a “bleak” dating scene. However, among those who are still hopeful, many are putting themselves out there in different ways.
As people grow tired of dating apps after the Covid-19 pandemic, social events such as “Meet Me in the Middle” offer alternative and fun methods of forging new connections outside of the digital space. 
Signing up to have dinner with strangers, travelling to new destinations and joining running clubs are other avenues that people are exploring to expand their social circles. 
Ms Theresa Pong, a relationship counsellor, said: “Many are now seeking deeper and more authentic connections.
“The fatigue from endless swiping, the impersonal nature of online interactions, and the desire for experiential interactions have led them to reconsider their approach to dating.”
Singles who spoke to TODAY echoed this sentiment, sharing their less-than-ideal experiences with online dating. 
Ms Tan, an advertising executive, is frustrated by superficial profiles on dating apps that reveal little about the other person’s personality. “Everybody’s, like, ‘Oh, I like cats. I will be a very good paw parent to your dog’. It’s so shallow.”
She added that it is hard to deliver certain emotions over text, and that she has a dry sense of humour better conveyed in real life. 
Mr Sherman Lim, 25, a marketing executive, said that the apps create a culture where people date based solely on first impressions and looks. 
“And then if you spot even the slightest flaw in that person during the date, you or the other person just calls it quits after the first day, and then it’s over. 
“So that’s the core of dating apps. It mostly just provides a one-time hit and then ‘zao’ kind of thing.” 
“Zao” is a colloquial term that means “run away” or “leave” in Hokkien, a Chinese dialect.
Biostatistician Joshua Yim, 25, is tired of people not keeping up with conversations online.
He feels that “ghosting is a fairly common thing” because, on online platforms, the other party is not facing the immediate consequences of disconnecting with someone.
He thinks that it is too “convenient” that people are not committed to conversations. 
There are some singles, though, who feel that joining events is not inherently better than using dating apps, and is simply a complementary way of finding new people. 
Investment analyst Daniel Stephen, 29, attended a mixer event aimed at Desi singles – people from India, Pakistan or Bangladesh who live in other countries. He still continues using dating apps.
“I don’t prefer one method over the other. Everything has its pros and cons. Unfortunately, dating in 2024 is like your investment portfolio. You need to diversify. You need different strategies. 
“In-person events like singles mixers and blind dates can be diversifiers for your dating strategy while using apps (at the same time). So just throw everything in.” 
Despite craving more genuine conversations through in-person meet-ups, which may lead to meaningful dates, Singaporeans’ busy work schedules often hinder such connections. 
“Social events help to patch up the gap in society these days. A lot of us are all about the nine to five and then heading home afterward to do your own stuff,” Mr Lim said.
“Even on the train ride home, you are just so preoccupied with answering emails from your manager about the day’s work, or just so absorbed in your social media life that you don’t really pay attention to your surroundings.”
That is why he feels that joining social events helps people get to know one another in general — regardless of whether someone is single or not. 
Mr Yim attended a weekly event organised by mystery-meet-up service Timeleft. He was connected with three strangers to have dinner together at a restaurant and mingle at a bar afterwards.  
“(This) allows me to meet new people without a filter at all, without any magnifying glass. There is a sense of mystery and discovery with in-person meet-ups,” he said.
With a dating app, a person could immediately “research” the person with whom they are going on a date.
Mr Yim added: “But if you just meet someone in person, you ask the questions right there and then, and the other party answers in whatever way he or she sees fit. That is a skill in itself, trying to navigate conversations.”
In the interviews with these singles, TODAY gathered that those who went to these events had an open mind and were not determined to get dates, but simply wanted to mix with new people and see where these connections led them.
Apart from dating events, volunteering and joining sports or other hobbyist communities have been touted as effective ways to meet a potential partner. 
Ms Pong the relationship counsellor said that “engaging in activities you love, in environments that align with your personal values and interests, not only brings joy but also increases the likelihood of meeting someone who shares your passions and lifestyles”.
To expand her social circle while satisfying her wanderlust, Ms Tan joins tours with travel company Sotravel, which connects solo travellers. She also attends parkour and Japanese language classes during her free time. 
Mr Yim uses the platform Meetup to find others to play table tennis and badminton with him. Mr Lim goes for weekly frisbee sessions at Bishan-Ang Mo Kio Park with people whom he met on a public Telegram chat group. 
As these singles put themselves out there, their main priority is to meet new people and broaden their horizons. Finding love may be a bonus.
As Mr Lim said: “For female players I meet, we’ve established a relationship as acquaintances and personally, I wouldn’t try to do anything that would make things awkward. So I’m just going to be myself and whatever happens, happens.”
Hope prevails because there are success stories. Taking part in group runs with the Singapore Runners Club brought information technology professional Christoph Huber, 51, and 47-year-old Lee Sin Mei, who is self-employed, together. 
The couple did not join the club expecting to date another member. They simply wanted to meet like-minded people, keep fit and follow their passion for running.
In an era of fleeting connections, they also hoped that the community would offer deeper friendships. 
Indeed, the pair’s connection blossomed into romance. Although Mr Huber is the faster runner, he would always wait for Ms Lee and run at her pace. They encouraged each other and even held hands when either of them struggled along the way. 
And they always made sure to start and finish together during training sessions and races. 
“There’s no maths formula to love. You might hit a wall and have to try a thousand times before you finally meet your match,” Mr Huber said.
“Love is not about crossing a finish line, it’s about taking the journey. There will be ups and downs. And it’s helpful to have a runner’s mindset — don’t give up.”
Ms Lee also suggested that singles avoid “hiding behind screens” and “pre-judging people” because that causes individuals to lose out on opportunities for genuine conversations. 
The couple believes that people need to find love by themselves rather than relying on mediating services such as matchmaking or dating apps because if those fail, the disappointment might cause them to lose faith.
Instead, “don’t be shy to go out, interact with people and tell them how you feel”, Ms Lee recommended.